Teaching full-time with children who have violent behaviors has become too stressful and overwhelming for me. You know the saying, when something seems too good to be true it usually is. I think in my case it was true.
I have not taught for over 15 years and got a teaching job. Now, I know why. The teacher before me quit too because of the violence in my classroom. I gave all of me for three months but I must leave to take care of myself and use my coping skills to recover from the symptoms I am experiencing now. I feel a mild depression with anxiety and have not slept for three days since the last episode of violence in my classroom. The next day we had a teacher/staff meeting that went horribly bad. There was no kindness spoken or any real respect or support shown.
My fear is that my symptoms will get worse if I stay. So, I must resign because my mental health is most important. I am happy I gave it a try because some parts of it and some days were absolutely amazing. I loved being reminded that I was a good teacher and how much I loved it and I loved loving up those children even the ones who displayed violent behaviors.
I gave all of me and tried my best. All I can give is my best and I have nothing after that. Today my best has left and I no longer have that or much of anything left to give. It is not a job you can just go to. You must be ready, over the top ready at all moments for the possibility of throwing objects and students hitting others. You must be hyper-vigilant at ALL times to keep the classroom safe. Besides teaching there are so many expectations with not enough time during the school day to complete them. Plus, my broken student required all of my spare time, energy and thoughts with meetings and documentations etc. It was often heartbreaking to see what happened with the many students in my classroom.
I am done. I don’t feel like I failed. I gave it my best and I am proud of myself for all I did. My huge fear though is about my social security. Will I lose it because for three months I made more then the specified amount for working while on SSDI?
Does anyone know??? I know there is a nine month trial work period. I used that during another teaching job about 15 years ago. Since it was so long ago, do I get another trial period?
I haven’t resigned yet, but will do it tomorrow or the day after.
Thank you for reading.
Please read my poem I’m Bobbing Underwater which I wrote before this post.
Much love and hugs,
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