Happy Monday everyone. I just got back from a nice weekend trip to Mankato, Minnesota for my nephew’s wedding. It was a wonderful weekend. I went with all my children. All six of us drove together in the same vehicle. So, that was very nice. I don’t think my children truly know how much I loved every second of being with all of them. I was in heaven on earth.
I got to see all my family members except my younger brother and his wife. I have not seen many of them for a few years. It was great to see everyone.
This was my first big trip since my suicide attempt forced me to go off all psychotropic medications cold turkey. God saved my life and “the incident” was actually a blessing in disguise because I was forced to go off Klonopin (Benzodiazepine) and have now found the beauty in living psychotropic medication free and without the near deadly and painful effects and adverse reactions from being on Klonopin (Benzodiazepine) for over twenty years.
Surviving a severe suicide attempt gives you a fresh new perspective and outlook on life. After surviving and recovering from my suicide attempt and the horrific Klonopin withdrawal syndrome for over two months, it has truly helped me appreciate the beauty and blessings in life again. I have many moments where I think, “I almost missed being here to live and experience this. My children wouldn’t have their own mother (me) here with them. They need me. Alexia wouldn’t have had her mother (me) on the freshman parent orientation at the University of Minnesota.” (We were just there last week and had a fantastic time.) Those are extremely eye-opening and heart awakening moments.
I enjoy each moment more now. I realize I could have died and I know I am SO BEYOND BLESSED to be alive. I even try to turn negative moments around because I know I am here on borrowed time. I know I am here for many reasons. I need to make my children and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ proud of me.
I have a lot of time to make up. I was alive during the last 26 years but not as fully as I could have been. I was not fully present in each moment as I was too busy fighting painful symptoms of mental illness and side effects of psychotropic medications.
I appreciate the many beautiful experiences I lived and have been alive for but now I am ready to live the rest of my life and make it as fabulous as I possibly can. I can’t wait to live the next fifty plus years with a Klonopin and psychotropic medication free brain. I am not completely closing the door to other psychotropic medications in case there is a reason I would need them one day again. But I will NEVER take a Benzodiazepine again. It is my passion and mission now to make others aware of the risks and possible dangers of this medication.
I look forward to experience my life with a new brain. My Klonopin free brain continues to improve. I still have memory problems most likely due to the damage done from years of Klonopin use, misuse and overuse, but it continues to improve.
Benzodiazepines damage your brain. If you think about it, Benzos are made to change your brain. So, actually they are very effective for that purpose. They change your brain but the changes that occur inside your brain are a band-aid to ease anxiety and seizure activity. It slo o o o o ws down your brain but that interferes with living life as fully as you could and should. It does not do anything else favorable to your brain. It changes it and makes it work less effectively by slowing it down and causing memory problems and a host of other problems.
This is new and I am enjoying every step of my new life. However, this week right now will not be quite as fun and will be a challenge. I will still try to make it as positive as possible for me as it is the next step in the right direction towards my new life and future.
I am moving in a week and have an entire house to downsize, prepare for a yard sale and MOVE on Monday, July 30th. By the way… I hate moving….
In a week I have to:
- Organize my junk and clutter.
- Throw stuff away that I don’t use and really do not need to save anymore…
- Pack for my yard sale.
- Price items for yard sale.
- Have a yard sale on Friday and Saturday (my daughters are helping).
- Pack items to put in a storage unit.
- Pack to move in to my oldest daughter and son in-love’s house until my new townhouse opens up and I can pay off some bills.
- Move on Monday, July 30th.
- Clean house completely on July 31st by noon.
- Work Monday 2:00-10:00
- Work Thursday 2:00-10:00
- Work Saturday and Sunday 2:00-10:00
I am not sure how I can get everything done while working so I may have to find someone to work for me on Saturday.
Someway or the highway it will get done by Tuesday, July 31st at noon. I have no choice. I am looking forward to being finished with my move. It will be a huge relief and a great sense of accomplishment when I am moved in. Whew…
I most likely will need to take a break from writing for a week or so. I will not be able to post until the beginning of August unless I need a break. Writing helps me feel better about everything and anything. We will see and time will tell.
Thank you for stopping by and reading. I hope you have happy, healthy and fabulous days. Be well. Much love and hugs, Sue
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