I have never lived a life before. This is my first time living my life. I wasn’t sure how to do it. I did that best I could, but made many mistakes along the way. I became very lost along my journey after my bipolar diagnosis. There were no manuals made specifically for me telling me how to find my way again. There were no maps. No one had the answers for me. No GPS to guide me. I was on my own.
Even though God was with me every step of my bipolar life journey, I didn’t realize it. I felt like I was traveling down many dark and lonely roads completely alone. I had to figure it all out on my own and made many wrong turns along the way.
Living my one and only life with bipolar, made it much more difficult to reach my destination. I had to take many detours and find a new method of travel. My journey took longer than it was supposed to, but eventually I would get there. Sometimes the solution was turning completely around and starting over.
I used to say I lost twenty years of my life due to living with my severe symptoms of my bipolar one disorder. I finally realized that is very wrong. I lived those years. I survived those years. They taught me many valuable lessons in life and caused me to become stronger and wiser. I need to proudly remember each of those difficult years and moments as a triumph of resiliency and courage. I cannot discount years of my life.
The real destination in life is love and happiness. Love and happiness are what we are all searching for. I became lost in the forest of mental illness for many years of my life, because I didn’t know where I was going. Once I found out where I wanted to go, I found the best path to take and found my way out of the dark forest of mental illness.
I understand I may, or may not, have to find my way out of the dark forest of mental illness again. I can’t predict the future. None of us can. We cannot fear the future, but should embrace the endless possibilities of it. The beauty is knowing we can find our way out of any forest. Once we pass through the maze of trees, the sun will shine brighter than ever before.
I finally celebrate the realization that I would not throw the difficult years or moments of my life away. I can’t. They were all notable years that brought me to the destination I reached today. I am happy where I am right now. I can’t change the route I took to get here. I need to throw away the idea that it is negative to be lost. If I never became lost, I would have never found myself.
I would never have found myself, unless I found God first. My journey brought me to God and God lead me through the dark tunnels of depression into the sunshine of life. God was and is enough.
~Written by Susan Walz
“If I never became lost, I would have never found myself.” ~ Susan Walz
“There comes a point where you no longer care if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You’re just sick of the tunnel.” ~Ranata Suzuki
I pray we all find our way out of the tunnels and the dark forests of mental illness.
Much love and hugs, Sue
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