I often think of the many things I took for granted in my life, especially before my bipolar diagnosis twenty-five years ago.
I now miss many things I used to take for granted.
I miss sleep. I miss being able to fall asleep easily and then sleeping soundly throughout the night. Sleeping so soundly that I slept through my morning alarm. Hitting the snooze alarm more times than is allowed before it automatically turns off, so I can continue to enjoy the dreams I was dreaming.
I miss going to sleep early because I was excited to live and experience the next morning and day. I miss waking up in the morning ready to tackle the adventures before me. I miss getting out of bed without hesitation or a care in the world. I miss being excited about living in the day I am living.
I miss taking a shower. I miss the days that taking a shower came natural. Almost something I did in my sleep. Taking a shower used to be a simple and pleasant part of my normal everyday routine.
I miss looking at myself in the mirror and liking who I was and who I could still become.
I miss my phone ringing and wanting to answer it because it may be a friend. I miss having family or friends call me because they want to talk to me and enjoy my company. I miss having friends and I miss being a friend.
I miss being able to leave my house without anxiety or fear. I miss feeling like I fit in and belong with the rest of the world. I miss actually fitting in and belonging.
I miss the adrenaline rush living used to give me.
I miss being so busy living I did not have time to miss things. I miss not missing.
I almost missed the lesson in my lesson. The beauty of this lesson is that I can stop missing what I am missing by finding what I lost.
When I find what I am missing, I can begin doing what I miss. The more I do what I miss the more I can do. Each time I do more, I can do even more. After I continue to do more, I won’t be missing what I was missing, anymore.
Once I replace what I am missing with things I am doing, they will begin to come naturally to me. When living my life begins to come naturally again, I promise I will never take any of my living for granted again.
I will appreciate all that I was missing and have missed. I will no longer miss what I was missing, because I will be busy living and doing what I was missing.
I cannot miss what I have found.
~Written by Susan Walz
“We will be lost and found a thousand times along this cobbled road of us.” ~Atticus
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