I Will Not Give Up – Please Pray for Me

my loud whispers of hope

Hello everyone. I have been posting  my posts a day for suicide prevention month, but I have not talked about myself.

I want to let you all know that right now I am having a very hard time fighting off my bipolar demons and the suicidal thoughts he plants inside my brain, turning my brain into charcoal. It has been very hard to keep fighting, but I keep fighting. I am still fighting the battle. I am trying to hold on and I am.

I have to go to work in a half an hour and I am going to try to work an eight-hour shift. I pray I can make it and hold on without crying. It is time now to bring out my best acting skills again that I have been forced to use many times for twenty-five years.

Sometimes and some days the acting is beyond hard and difficult, but I am going to try my hardest and pray that the distractions are going to be good for me. It is too late to call in, so I am going into work, but I am scared not knowing if I have the strength to fight this bipolar demon who is planting these suicidal thoughts inside my mind and saddens me and causes deep despair so far into my mind that I won’t be able to act.

It takes so much strength to pretend and wear a fake smile. I have put on my disguise of my make-up and clothing that looks like I am normal on the outside, but inside I am dying. I pray this eight-hour shift will help shift my brain into some glimpse of life that I can continue to win this battle I am forced to fight each day of my life.

I also want to go into work today, because I am showing to myself that I am not giving up. I am fighting with all my might. I will beat this bipolar monster once again. I will be okay. I will make it because I HAVE TO.

Please pray for me. Thank you.

Love, hugs and blessings, Sue

Copyright © By Susan Walz and myloudbipolarwhispers.com – All written content and personal artwork is © myloudbipolarwhispers.com and Susan Walz. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner/artist is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Loud Bipolar Whispers and/or Susan Walz with appropriate and specific directions to the original content. 

Published by my loud whispers of hope

I share my story openly and honestly to educate others and increase the awareness of mental illness, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, to inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you. I finished writing, proofreading and editing my memoir in January of 2019. I am in the process of sending my manuscript to agents and publishers that accept unsolicited maunscripts. I pray my words will turn into a book that will inspire and spark joy and hope in the lives of many. Recovery and healing are possible. I am living proof. "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." ~Maya Angelou

15 Comments

    1. Thank you so very much for reading my post and for your very kind comments and praying for me. The praying must be helping because I am doing a little better… still struggling but I am better. I have hope that I can be strong and keep fighting and living and have a better and good life. I have to hope because I have nothing else. I must tell you the truth that you are the most awesome person ever. You have no idea how your beautiful and important your words “you matter” were to me. They rang very loudly and touched my heart and soul. I really needed to hear them. I don’t know if anyone ever said those words to me before or I do not remember them anyway and I have learned how very important those two little words are. We all need to matter. I want to matter and I pray I matter. Thank you so much. You helped me and taught me something very important. So awesome.You are a great person. I thank God for you. Love, hugs and blessings always, Sue

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    1. Thank you for praying for me. I greatly appreciate it more than you know. The prayers must be working because I am doing better… still struggling but I am still fighting. I have hope now that I can continue to fight and beat this (again and again) I praise God for his power, mercy and love. I thank God that he heals my brain enough that I can keep fighting and living. I greatly appreciate you Piper. You are awesome. Love hugs and blessings always, Sue

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    1. Thank you for your kindness. It helps me greatly to know you care. It is hard for me to reach out at a real personal level right now unfortunately, but I will keep your email and never forget it or your care and concern and love. I need that greatly. Just knowing you are there for me helps me out tremendously. You are awesome. I greatly appreciate you. Love, hugs and blessings always, Sue

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    1. Thank you so very much for praying for me. I greatly appreciate it and I need prayer as we all do. The prayers must be working. I am feeling better… still struggling but I am still here and alive to keep fighting. I have hope that I can be strong and keep fighting. Praise God for his power, mercy and love. I thank God for healing my brain enough so that I can keep fighting and living and being a mental illness advocate, as that is my passion. You are wonderful and an awesome person Natalie. Thank you. Love, hugs and blessings always, Sue

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    1. Thank you so very much, I need prayers as we all do. I greatly appreciate your prayers and I know they are helping. I am getting better and I am still here and I am still fighting. Thank you and praise God for his great power, mercy and love. Thank God, for always saving me from my brain and healing me to the point that I am still alive to keep fighting and trying to be a mental illness advocate, as that is my passion. I pray I can help others so others can live good and happy lives… me included. Hugs and blessings always, Sue

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