My current hypomanic mood pole causes my mind to be cluttered with too many words, thoughts, ideas, plans and memories rapidly racing and flying around inside my brain. The clutter inside my mind sometimes causes my speaking words to spew out of my mouth in a flutter of stutters, knowing then that I must somehow slow my thoughts down and speak at a slower rate.
As my thoughts race around inside my brain, I try to catch the most important words, ideas and thoughts I need at that moment. There are many cluttered unnecessary ideas and words mixed in with the most important words I need to share. I must organize my thoughts, so that the important words stand out boldly and loudly inside my mind.
My thoughts are flying, speeding and racing about inside my mind, rapidly hitting the sides of my head and bouncing and ricocheting off one side of my head to the other side and back again. I try to type out my words as quickly as my brain fires my thoughts out. My fingers flying over the keyboard as fast as I can make my little fingers move, making many errors throughout my typing process. My fingers cannot keep up with the rapid speed of my thoughts or the quickly changing ideas and topics of my bipolar hypomanic brain.
After I am done typing out my words, it is always a surprise to see how it turned out, never knowing what to expect. Sometimes, it is a beautiful pleasant surprise and sometimes it is a mess, requiring a lot of revising of my rapid flying thoughts and ideas. I must organize and then reorganize and edit and re-edit what my flying fingers typed as they tried to match the rapid speed of my racing thoughts.
I have to reorganize my rapidly typed out words, removing unnecessary thoughts and ideas, rearranging my words on the computer into an organized, meaningful, purposeful, educational and hopefully inspirational post that readers will enjoy. I love to write my thoughts and ideas on paper, so I can remember my experiences and thoughts I had at different moments of my life and I love sharing them with others. Writing is very therapeutic for me.
Today I woke up with many goals, ideas and things I want to do, finish and accomplish. In my mind I think I can get all of my ideas and more accomplished, however time sometimes disagrees with me and there is never enough time to get all of my goals accomplished. I have learned how to organize my words, thoughts, and ideas better so I can organize my life, writing and my many other creative projects more effectively. Learning to take one step and one word at time is difficult for me, but I keep improving every day. I am catching up in the marathon race of organization inside my hypomanic bipolar mind.
I will happily stay here in my hypomanic mood pole where I feel very happy today. Thank you God for my good feelings and my good day. I appreciate each moment that is good and live one moment and one day at a time, because that is what I have to do. With bipolar, you never know what mood pole you will be in and how you will feel and who you will actually be when you wake up in the morning. You never know what or who or what mood pole is going to be for breakfast in the morning when you live with bipolar 1 disorder with ultradian rapid cycling and mixed episodes paired with PTSD. I cherish every good moment and day I have and right now it is a great moment.
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