No More Bipolar Medications For Me (Daily Word Prompt is Adrift)

my loud whispers of hope, , , , , , , , , ,

My mind drifts,

floating,

fleeing,

flowing

aimlessly adrift.

Scattered thoughts

fill my mind,

swirling confusion,

questions flowing

freely inside of me.

What will I be?

What will become of me?

Who will I be

with a bipolar

medicine free brain

inside of me?

Bipolar medication

helps many,

but has always

been my enemy,

occasionally a frenemy.

For twenty years

and many tears,

I tried my best,

but failed the test

I tried them all,

combos, big and small,

purple, pink, blue, green

and everything in between.

Far and wide

I took the ride

on the bipolar medicine

bicycle, tricycle, cycle

trial after trial

for a long while.

Medicine treatment was a fail,

couldn’t keep up, swim or sail

No more meds for me,

recently became sick as I could be

sodium level dropped,

flopped and plopped

meds stopped.

I became unsalty

and faulty,

untasty,

and wasty,

pasty

and pale.

Body became bloated

from water that floated

throughout my body and being,

I was not a pretty sight to be seen,

water retained,

weight gained,

face and body puffy

softly full and fluffy,

too many long years

without medical mirrors

caused me to become very ill

from taking my Trileptal pill.

There are no more bipolar meds

left for me

none for me.

That was the last one,

my last chance,

my last hurrah,

the last straw,

hurrah, hurrah.

But wait,

I hesitate,

I don’t hate

my new fate.

I no longer have to play

the bipolar game of the day,

Eeny, meeny, miney moe

pick a med, here you go.

Take another and some more

oops wait that didn’t work,

try another,

and another.

We got many,

make you thirsty,

take another,

we got plenty,

make you fat,

we got a pill for that,

make you dizzy

your hair frizzy,

here try another,

we got more,

lose your hair,

more to spare.

Bipolar medicine didn’t work for me

too many side effects,

ill effects,

adverse reactions,

they just didn’t work for me,

couldn’t keep me afloat,

and I fell off the boat,

but I can swim,

here I go,

sink or swim,

I can swim…

Copyright © By Susan Walz and myloudbipolarwhispers.com – All written content and personal artwork is © myloudbipolarwhispers.com and Susan Walz. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner/artist is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Loud Bipolar Whispers and/or Susan Walz with appropriate and specific directions to the original content. (With the exception of the “Finding Dory” images.)

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/adrift/

Published by my loud whispers of hope

I share my story openly and honestly to educate others and increase the awareness of mental illness, reduce stigma, prevent suicide, to inspire, give hope and let God's love shine through me and touch you. I finished writing, proofreading and editing my memoir in January of 2019. I am in the process of sending my manuscript to agents and publishers that accept unsolicited maunscripts. I pray my words will turn into a book that will inspire and spark joy and hope in the lives of many. Recovery and healing are possible. I am living proof. "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." ~Maya Angelou

21 Comments

      2. Sorry about that Sue that last comment went through before I was finished editing it, I am blind and dictate using my phone using Siri on my iPhone, sometimes Siri says the wrong thing and he did that just now and when I went to edit it I hit the reply button by accident, anyway nice to meet you hope we can be friends

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      3. Thank you and your first comment was quite fine. Honestly, I have also sent many comments many times before I was ready to as well, especially if I am using my phone. Nice to meet you as well and of course we are blogging friends. Hugs. Sue

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      6. I save them and I read them over time, very old ones I won’t comment on what I would like, and the newer ones I comment and like on A lot of people liked my post but don’t comment, then I wonder what are they thinking

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      8. I have worked hard to make this blog into something that people will want to read I love interacting with my readers thank you for commenting to my posts and following my blog X

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Brilliantly written 😊 So if there is no more medication, what exactly does that mean for you? I wish you good luck whatever it entails 🦉

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    1. Thank you for your comment and kind words. I greatly appreciate that. I am taking Klonipin for anxiety and that helps a little with my hypomania by keeping me a bit calmer and also helps to relax me so I can sleep. I also take a thyroid med. because I only have half of my thyroid due to a prior surgery. Otherwise I take no other medications at all. I am not sure what is next. That is the big question and kind of a concern. I am hoping it is a blessing in disguise, but who knows I will have to take it day by day and see what happens. ECTs saved my life before so I would have no worries at all and that is what I would do if my symptoms became severe enough. However, my Psychiatrist had to retire due to his own illness unfortunately and he was the Pdoc who did my ECTs and I completely trusted him. Now there is no one in my city of La Crosse that does ECTs anymore. There is a good hospital about one hour away… but I truly I pray I will be okay. So I will l just pray a lot and try to stay away from triggers the best I can etc. So the short answer is really… prayers and ECTs if I can find someone that can do them for me. I have have learned to cope with some of my symtoms better over the years but only time will tell I guess. I just will keep fighting, living, thriving, surviving and loving life the best I can. Hugs and blessings. Sue

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    1. Thank you for finding my post. I am very happy you did. I hope you like it and I hope it helps you in some way…. I can’t wait to check out your blog as well. I am just very behind on reading everything right now, but soon I hope I will have time to read again. I love reading other blogs as well. I learn so much and meet so many amazing people. We are bipolar survivors and we must all stick together, so we can help each other and learn from each and known we are never alone. Love and hugs. Sue.

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