Bipolar is notorious and is not glorious, but instead is hazardous and can be dangerous for reasons that are obvious to others that may be curious of an illness they do not, will not, and cannot understand.
You cannot see the pain that eats away my heart and soul, creating death to live inside me. Only a beating heart placed inside a carcass, where living and breathing a breath of life seems too difficult and painful for survival, reaching the bottomless bottom of a deep dark pit of despair and sorrow, only to somehow miraculously overcome that fall and deep dark grave, to rapidly rise to an extreme floating hot air balloon swirling high into the skies above and beyond anything imaginable, to a brain that is void of any mania or bipolar.
My brain, my racing rapid flying thoughts and ideas inside me, encompassing and overtaking every inch of my mind, body, and soul, flying, soaring higher and higher, continuously moving at a rate that is uncontrollable, until I cannot contain the speed or height I am traveling.
I fear I will not be able to stop the rise of my mania, not knowing where I am travelling, my destination is sometimes not determined by me, but is uncontrollable by my will, my every thought and desire I have at that particular moment in time.
The speed of my rapid rise and euphoria inside my mind begins to feel scary, rapid thoughts and words ricochet so fast inside my brain that each thought seems to increase the pain inside my mind, so I can feel the sensation of each idea as it hits the sides of my brain and bounces back off rapidly to the other side.
When my mania slows down and turns into hypomania, my bipolar becomes glorious, and is no longer notorious.
Now my hypomania, where I usually live, brings out the familiar me, the me I know, the me you know. The beauty of my creativity, productivity, kindness and beautiful heart are now living abundantly, freely and lovingly inside me, shining out for the world to see and to share the me I love to be, and I hope the me you love to see.
Bipolar should not be notorious, bipolar can be fabulously glorious.
Copyright © By Susan Walz and myloudbipolarwhispers.com – All written content and personal artwork is © myloudbipolarwhispers.com and Susan Walz. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author/owner/artist is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to My Loud Bipolar Whispers and/or Susan Walz with appropriate and specific directions to the original content. (With the exclusion of the photo, which is from deviantart.com)