I Used to Be in Denial (Daily Word Prompt is Denial)

I used to be in denial

for a very long while

that I had bipolar disorder.

I could not

and would not

accept

that I had bipolar disorder.

Not me,

no way,

not now.

I used to be in denial

for a very long while

that I had

bipolar disorder,

I stopped taking my medications

and reached a severe full-blown manic episode,

causing me to make very bad and dangerous decisions,

with dangerous men

that stole my money,

abused and raped me,

 could have murdered me,

Two of them murdered

 two other people,

and ended up in prison.

I was the lucky one.

God saved my life from their murderous behavior.

They chose not to murder me,

not me

no way

somehow.

I used to be in denial

for a very long while

that I had

bipolar disorder,

so I stopped taking my medications

and reached a severe full-blown manic episode,

that caused me to make very bad and dangerous decisions,

and caused me to become homeless with my youngest daughter,

for over three months,

living in a homeless shelter,

while I had a severely fractured ankle at the same time.

Not me,

no way,

can’t be.

I used to be in denial

for a very long while

that I had bipolar disorder,

so I stopped taking my medications

and reached a severe full-blown manic episode,

that caused me to make very bad and dangerous decisions,

I moved away from my home,

my life,

and my two oldest children,

leaving them behind with their father.

I brought my youngest daughter with me

as she has a different father

who is not in her life.

Leaving my children who I love beyond measure,

making very bad and dangerous decisions

 and my horrible life experienes,

caused me to be unable to forgive myself,

for a very long while,

 so I attempted suicide and was hospitalized numerous times.

I used to be in denial

for a very long while

that I had bipolar disorder,

because of the very bad decisions I made,

horrific life experiences I lived through

and how sick I became,

I finally accepted my bipolar disorder diagnosis,

and know I must take medications

for the rest of my life.

Yes me,

today,

right now.

I used to be in denial

for a very long while

that I had

bipolar disorder.

but now I finally accept my bipolar disorder.

I am not ashamed of it,

it is not a character flaw.

It is just a disease that happens to be in my brain.

Bipolar disorder is very treatable

and I can live a very long, good and happy life.

I have become a born again Christian.

My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ saved my life,

has always been with me,

by my side,

holding my hand,

and loving me

throughout my many struggles.

I am blessed and understand what my purpose in life is.

I survived

and overcame

 my suffering and struggles.

Now I can experience the beauty of

helping other people

survive

and overcome

their suffering and struggles.

I am not in denial.

I accept my bipolar disorder.

I am a bipolar survivor.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/denial/