I am very happy and proud of myself as I conquered one of my fears today. Yay me! It was listed as fear #5 in my post I wrote a couple of days ago.
One of my fears is going to the doctor’s office or clinic. I know my fear is not very common and some people may not understand it at all. A lot of people do not like to go to the doctor but they are not afraid of it.
I do not like going to the doctor and I am also actually afraid of going. Lately, for some reason when it is time for a scheduled appointment my mind becomes filled with an overwhelming dread of going and I skip my appointments.
For example, today on my way to the clinic I had butterflies in my stomach. I have anxiety and fear of going to the clinic just because it is the clinic. Also, the clinic has the hospital attached to it.
I think I am afraid of the building itself and all of the horrible things associated with it. For over 20 years I had to go to the Psychiatrists office sometimes 2 times a week, was hospitalized in the Psychiatric hospital too many times to count and needed to go to the hospital to receive my many ECT treatments.
I have decided it is time to be strong and fight this maybe irrational fear of not wanting to got to the doctor. I need to go to the doctor for many other reasons not related to my bipolar disorder. I am determined to keep my appointments from now on and not skip them.
So far so good. Pat myself on the back. Pat, pat… I went to my orthopedic appointment and everyone was very kind and it went very well. Even though I will be having surgery on my ankle in about two weeks to remove my metal plate and 13 screws from severely fracturing my ankle about eight years ago. My ankle continues to increase in pain and my doctor thinks it will help some to remove all the metal hardware as it is does not need to be there anymore.
The surgery is same day surgery and may require only about a week off from work.
However, I might have to have surgery on my left knee as well. I am wearing splints and wraps and resting it and will see how it goes. I will have more testing on it in the near future. It may be a torn meniscus that can sometimes heal by itself, but if it doesn’t it will require surgery too.
So, I would then have surgery on my ankle and knee at the same time. Two for the price of one. Well, unfortunately pretty sure my insurance will be paying for both.. hahaha… I would have two surgeries at the same time.
They are calling me tomorrow to schedule my surgery. My surgery will be in approximately two weeks. I will let all of you wonderful blogging friends know when I find out.
Next week I have another appointment I will not skip and I must go to. This appointment is with another Ortho Doctor but this time it is for my arthritis in my hands, mostly my thumbs.
I never mentioned that I have arthritis in my hands and knees. It hurts but I try very hard to never complain about it. My daughter Alexia has even asked me why I don’t complain about it. I don’t complain about it because it does not hurt as bad as the severe mental illness pain I struggled with for over 20 years, actually my entire life really.
There is nothing worse than the mental illness pain I used to have. I will take the physical pain I have right now any day over the horrific bipolar pain and suffering I struggled with throughout my life.
I praise God for healing me and saving my life. I praise God for my life. I love God and praise God forever and always.