Before I was going to start typing on my blog today, I brought out a little snack for myself.
I found it rather comical and quite ironic as I laid my two delicious chocolate Andes Mint cookies on top of my brand new diet book that I just bought last night from Barnes and Noble. Oops.
I bought my new life saving book titled “Extreme Fat Smash DIET” in preparation of my diet and weight loss miracle of success that will begin happening starting on Monday. I write this with thoughts of much determination but also with a little fear of failure at the same time.
I have reached a point of total disgust with myself and the point of no return if I do not do it and lose weight this year. I have to do it now!
Besides my many mental illness labels, I now have a new label of obesity. I am obese! Yes it is true!
I cannot get rid of my mental illness labels, but I can cure myself of obesity and get rid of that awful horrific ugly obese label that I hate and am very ashamed to have.
Being obese is very unhealthy for many reasons and has also made my self-esteem worse and has caused me to isolate more.
I have seen glimpses of myself in the mirror and have had to look away quickly as I could not stand seeing the sight of myself. Who is that person I see in the mirror right now or in pictures? Ugh! I do not like my appearance.
I know it is not particularly kind but I do make jokes about myself and say things like , “If you just drilled three holes on the top of my head, I could be a bowling ball. You could roll me down the lane and get a strike.” I am not trying to cut myself down but sometimes you do have to find humor in things.
Food is my addiction and as with any addiction food is a difficult addiction to stop. One problem with food is that you can’t just quit it all cold turkey and never have any food at all. We need food to live and survive, so I have to learn to eat food correctly. I have to learn how to cook and eat healthy foods, learn when and how to eat and learn appetite control and learn to find a way not to be tempted to cheat on my diet.
The combination of my genetics, my age, my bipolar medications I have taken over the years, overeating, being a great cook and loving to cook and eat, using food as my comfort to help me feel better and my lack of exercise have all contributed to my severe weight gain and obesity.
They say that when people hit rock bottom that is when they make positive life changes in their lives. Well, I have definitely hit my rock bottom.
My son is getting married June 23, 2017. I want to look good in the pictures and look good and beautiful and stunning at the wedding. I want to be a beautiful mother of the groom at my son’s wedding. I want to do it for myself and for him as well. I love him so much.
I am going to shock everyone at how good I am going to look. I can do it.
I have to be successful. This is my last hurrah. My last chance. I have reached the age that I may have a chance of still looking good and pretty if I can lose some weight.
I am going to use my new diet book. It is just the kind of book I was looking for. It has daily diet menus to follow for a month and recipes to use as well. I will follow the diet plan the book has and I will be successful at it and lose my weight!
I will lose weight and become thin and feel so much better about myself.
I am a bipolar disorder survivor and I will be a food addiction survivor as well and….
I am going to look goooood!