As I have aged, I have become less successful at primping. I do not think this is because of my technique of primping, but rather because of what I have to work with. Because my aging process has begun, when I look into the mirror I have noticed that my looks have begun to decline and become less attractive to me.
I have slowly begun to accept the realization that this is part of the aging process and I have started to get used to that person that keeps looking back at me in the mirror. With age I have become much wiser and my looks are not as important to me as they used to be. I mean they can’t be or I would become very sad every time I looked in the mirror.
When I was younger, I used to worry, almost to the point of being obsessed, about my appearance and what others thought about the way I looked and dressed. I always hoped, worried and wondered if people thought I was beautiful, causing my thoughts to be constantly overcrowded with obsessive thoughts of my appearance.
This was such a waste of my time, energy and mind causing me not to focus on and enjoy the actual moment I was in or the people I was with. Many of my thoughts consisted of me wishing I looked like other people instead of being happy with myself and how God made me.
When I was young, I would primp in front of my mirror spending so much wasted time painting layers of make up on my face, making sure my outfits were just perfect and that each hair on my head was placed in the perfect place. I never went anywhere or left my house without painting myself with the artistry of a professional artist hoping that everyone that saw me liked what they saw on the outside. I realize now that my outer appearance was so important to me then because I was very unhappy and was empty on the inside. I had nothing.
Sometimes I still find the need to wear my make up disguise and look as good as I can on the outside so people will not know the severe debilitating pain I have on the inside. I place a smile on my face and say the words my audience wants to hear acting for the cameras of the outside world so people will not know the severity of my Bipolar symptoms. I should have won numerous Academy Awards and Oscars by now for my performances of the girl and woman hiding behind her “normal” life but living with severe Bipolar Disorder symptoms.
I wish I could look into the mirror every morning and look deep inside my brain so I could meticulously primp my Bipolar brain until the chemicals in my brain were perfectly balanced making my Bipolar Disorder adjusted in a way that I would be healthy and able to live my life the best I could. I would primp until my brain would be a very healthy beautiful so-called “normal” brain.